


Divergent: Unsure Love

by Hardcorenerd



Category: Divergent - Veronica Roth
Genre: F/M, Love Triangle, OC is Four’s sister, mix between the books and the movie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-10-24 10:20:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17702522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hardcorenerd/pseuds/Hardcorenerd
Summary: Alyssa Eaton was sure of who she would be and who she would end up for the last two years of her life, forcing herself to accept what she had fought against her entire life until ‘The Incident’ two years ago. Her Choosing Ceremony revealed and ruined everything, though, and now she’s unable to hide her real wants. Her real self.She can’t hide anymore. Really though, the problem is she does want to. Once she lets loose her wants and lets herself have the things she yearns for, she begins to forget to leave how to deny herself things. Suddenly the parts of her heart that were set and sure are... unsure. And making room for an unexpected person she never saw coming.





	Divergent: Unsure Love

When I felt my father's hand on my shoulder, I forced myself not to flinch. His sudden presence had startled me and I turned to face him. "Are you nervous?"

My smile was formal. "No," I replied evenly as my stomach twisted painfully and my rib cage grew smaller, threatening to crush my lungs and stop my heart.

"Good," he hummed, his smile warm. "I'll see you after the exam. Then, tomorrow, you start the rest of your life in Abnegation and when you're old enough, you'll take my place on the counsel." He chuckled.

Nodding, I waited for him to make sure he was done speaking, then I moved away from him, towards the door and out. My gray, plain dress pressed against my legs and I internally sighed. I kept my eyes straight ahead, my hands still at my side. I made a lot of the way by myself, in solemn silence. When I was almost to the main hub where the Aptitude tests would take place, an older woman tripped in front of me, inches away. I stopped immediately, dropping to my knees and dining a warm smile as I grabbed one of her dropped items. "Thank you," she cooed. She turned to her other side as a brunette boy handed her another item. She nodded to him and then stood, making her way onward.

The boy and I locked eyes. My smile grew far more natural and at ease. "Prior," I greeted warmly, a teasing lilt already in my voice.  
"Eaton," he returned just as lightly, his eyes boring into mine and his smirk as attractive as ever.

"You two are disgusting," Beatrice joked, knocking us out of our stupor as we both stood, putting up pretenses for the people we had forgotten were around us. In the Abnegation faction, everyone was paired up and predicted even before we were old enough to marry. Since the Priors and the Eatons were such close families and Caleb and I got along so well, it was assumed that we would end up together. I didn't mind. In the future that I was stuck in Abnegation, forever at Marcus Eaton's side, my life planned and set out for me... the idea of being with Caleb made that future bearable. I had spent many nights buried in my blankets, reassuring myself that once I was old enough I'd be out of my house and with a man who would love and treasure me.

It was so startlingly different than the life I had clung to with much more enthusiasm before The Incident, exactly two years ago tomorrow...

"Nothing happened," Caleb muttered to his sister, eyes looking around at the crowd of people who could have seen us. Who could have possibly been made aware of the emotions between him and me and the thoughts that had been going through our heads. That was the thing about the Abnegation that I thought I would never find it in myself to get used to. Secrecy. Being reserved and quiet and truly selfless. I would get used to it though. My father had promised.

Beatrice scoffed. "It would have, had no one else been around."

Sticking my chin out, I declared, "We would have been as cordial if we were alone in your living room as we are expected to be amidst a busy street. You know the rules about showing affection in public."

Beatrice met my eyes and I saw te same challenging fire in her eyes that I felt inside of me. The burning that demanded a continuation. A push. A shove. A press. A look, a feeling, that was altogether VERY MUCH not Abnegation. "Is that so?"

"Come on," Caleb interrupted, making us blink and therefore causing the moment to pass. "We don't want to be late." We all moved the rest of the way to the testing center without further conversation. The thing I liked most about the Prior siblings is that they did not require noise or conversation to keep a good mods around. There was no awkwardness or expectation. It was such an easing feeling.  
When we arrived, we joined the line of gray Abnegation kids our age all waiting for it to begin so we could go inside. While we were waiting, some Candor got bored and made their way over to our line, picking on some of the smaller Abnegation. Beatrice surged forward but Caleb caught her. "Beatrice, let it go," he ordered very seriously.

My jaw locked. "Why should we stand by?" I demanded. "Is it not selfless service to help out the members of our faction? Those who are more important to us than even family?" Caleb and I locked eyes. It was moments like this. Moments when my old, stubborn anger and challenging nature showed, that I wondered if he could ever settle and love someone like me. I couldn't afford to really think that, though. The thought of us in the future was the only thing keeping me centered in the acceptance of the Abnegation life I didn't have a choice by to accept. He looked away first and I moved toward the altercation. "Is there a problem?"

All eyes turned to me as the leader of the trio of Candor boys smiled maliciously. "They speak!" He declared, his voice so full of amusement he was all but laughing.

Forcing my anger to not show, I tilted my head. "I do speak," I confirmed shortly. "But you did not answer my question. Is there a problem?"

The boy paused and then shook his head slowly. "No, not at all."

"Then I think you’ve strained from your line, Candor." My smile was strained, purposeful, and pointed. The boy flared and then shook his head, turning around and leaving. His friends went with him.

Just before he was gone, he shot a last comment over his shoulder. "I thought Abnegation kept their mouths shut."

"For ourselves," I agreed. "It’s only right to stand up and help someone in need. A service. A selflessness. Even if it’s considered breaking the rules, I’m doing it with someone else in mind."

The boy looked at me. "God, even when you’re not being Abnegation, you’re Abnegation. Guess gray really is your color."  
I flinched. He noticed, his eyebrows coming together. When I didn’t say anything else, though, he turned and went back to his black and white faction. I moved back to Caleb and Beatrice after exchanging a soft smile with the group of girls that the boys had been targeting. Caleb watched me as I approached, a small smile on his face. As I took my place by his side, it felt so natural and comforting that all him fears and doubts about my future melted away. I was Abnegation. Caleb was Abnegation. We would be Abnegation together, from here on. I knew it like I knew my name. The back of his hand bumped mine and my smile widened a bit as I forced it down. I saw him look at me from the corner of my eye and a small blush crept over my cheeks.

There was a flatter of the approaching train and the whoops of the Dauntless and Beatrice was no longer paying attention to me or her brother, her mouth snapping close and the teasing response she was about to say dying in her throat. I refused to look at them, but my eyes could not be denied to look at Beatrice. To see the awe and yearning on her face as she watched them. I tried to think of her in all black, long hair down and flowing and smile wide as she ran, arms pumping, hopping on an off trains as easily as I took steps. I thought of her with a gun on her hand, her face serious as she zoned in on her target. It was a different Beatrice. I could see her, though. I could see her so clearly it was kind of startling.

For a split second, my mind wandered and I saw myself next to her, both of us sparring. Getting tattoos together. Wrestling and racing and laughing as loud as we wanted, shoving our faces with good food. Training together. Patrolling together. Being each other’s wing woman with guys. For just a Monet it was like the last two years were lost and I was as light and hopeful as I had been at fourteen. Before... before... Remembering the Incident knocked me back to reality and I blinked, forcing myself to register the building in front of me. I looked at Caleb, taking in his features. Abnegation. This is where I belonged.

The line started moving as we all filed inside. As we each stepped up to a door, Caleb placed a hand on my shoulder and grabbed his sister’s wrist. "Good luck," he told both of us, meeting our eyes individually and exchanging nods with us. We parted ways, Beatrice standing next to Caleb and me standing next to her. The doors opened and we each took a breath before moving inside. The door closed behind me and I was alone.

Well, not completely alone. There was a man in the room with me, smiling warmly as our eyes met. He had warm, brown eyes and red hair. It was longer than the kind of reserved Abnegation boy’s haircut that I was used to, but not long enough to be very long. He wore a red shirt tucked into faded tan jeans. Amity. "Hello," he greeted warmly. "How about you sit down and we’ll start?"  
Immediately I felt at ease. I had always like Amity. I sat on the chair, settling in. "What’s your name?" I asked as he prepared the serum, handing me the cup.

"Adrian," he answered. "Sit back and relax. You’ll feel a little drowsy- just let it happen." I nodded and tilted my head back, downing the whole thing in two gulps. I held it out for him and he took it. I sat still for maybe a second, maybe just less. All I knew is what one second I was sitting in the chair as a slight grogginess began to settle, I blinked, and the next second I was in my room.  
Confused, I looked around. Slowly, I stood. "Hello?" I called. Someone burst through my door and I jumped. "Beatrice," I gasped out in relief, chuckling slightly through my words. "What are you doing here?" Now focused on my friend, I forgot about the chair and the room and the Amity man named Adrian.

My best friend smiled at me. "I’m sorry to barge in," she apologized, smiling sheepishly. "I just have a really important question for you and I had to know..." I nodded, smiling and motioning her into the room. As was proper, she left the door open. I didn’t require much privacy anyway- I had nothing to hide. My only secret was either not home or would not pull anything while Beatrice was here, so I had no worries. "Do you love Caleb?" My lips parted in chalk and she rushed to explain herself. "Well, we’re all Abnegation and everyone has known for forever that you and him... that he and you... I just don’t want my brother or my best friend to get hurt or to force themselves to do something they don’t want and I-"

Laughing, I couldn’t stop the grin that overtook my face. "I- I think maybe I do," I reasoned. "He makes me feel safe. Secure. Sure. No has made me feel like that since-" I cut off, my throat closing. "In a long time," I finished. It was as honest as I could be without inconveniencing Beatrice, making the atmosphere awkward and changing the focus to myself. Sharing my past and how I felt about it would be selfish, but honesty was very important to me. Especially with those close to my heart. "I can assure you that-" There was a scream and I jumped for the second time that day, my blood running cold. "What was that?" I asked, my voice suddenly breathy and light.

"That sounded like a man," Beatrice pointed out. We exchanged looks and I began running. No matter what, if someone was in danger then they needed help. The second I crossed the thread hold of my bedroom door, though, turning to face the hallway full on, I ran out of my door straight into a-

Spinning around in surprise, I was shocked to see no sign of my bedroom door anywhere. I was now in an open field. One of the old flower patches outside of my school. When I turned around again, the sight in front of me made me go dead still. A man stood there, familiar but older than when I had last seen him. He smiled weakly at me. "Y/n..."

He took a step forward and I took one back, my insides lighting on fire. Burning. Twisting. Aching. I couldn’t breathe and it hurt. Everything hurt. "Why are you here?" I demanded.

The face that belonged to a man it hurt to look at twisted with so many emotions that I felt overwhelmed. "Alyssa I... I’m sorry. Please, forgive me." He stepped closer and this time I did not move. "I hated leaving you. I missed you every day, thought of you every day." My fingers curled into fists and I was startled to fell something in my right hand. I looked down. It was a knife. I closed my eyes, my brain providing images and wants and even a slight need. Anger I had thought I had long since buried and gained controlled or poked at my edges, begging me. Fight him. Destroy him. Make him pay. Make him hurt like I had hurt.

But no. It wouldn’t help, attacking him. It would make me feel worse, in the end. I opened my eyes again to face my demons, but was shocked again when I was not in the fields by my school anymore. I was in the city, at night. Which made no sense, but none of that mattered when I saw the scene in front of me. A man, a gun in his hand, pointed at a woman. Without even thinking, my eyes wide and my heart aching even more, I ran at the man and without even thinking took the dagger in my hand and sunk it into his shoulder. He fell, the gun clattering into the floor. I gasped, blinked, and it was all gone. A new scene.

My eyes rose to land on my father. Behind him stood Caleb, but his arm was around a woman I didn’t know. My heart seized in my chest. "Come to me," my father called to me, arms open to embrace me, a grin on his face. Nothing awaited me in his world, but I had a duty. A duty to stay with my family. A duty to take my place. I had an expectation to do what was right. Even if my only comfort was not my comfort, but someone else’s. The ultimate sacrifice in the name of selflessness. The truest act of Abnegation.

"Alyssa!" My head snapped to the side, responding to my name. This time I saw Beatrice. But, the different Beatrice. The Dauntless Beatrice. She stood tall, her eyes strong and her smile warm and reassuring. The man I had seen in the field earlier and who still hurt to look at stood behind her. "Come HOME," she proposed. "Come to us."

I thought I would pause. I thought I would hesitate. My feet had other plans though and without even a second’s thought I was running. Before I collided into the new life I was so ready to reach for, I jerked straight up in my chair, my eyes flying open as a loud gasp jolted from out of my mouth. A hand on my arm grounded me and I snapped my attention to the new person, expecting to face new choices as true exhaustion settled in. I didn’t have the energy for any more... but no. There stood Aiden, a true Amity smile on his face. "That was quite a lot," he noted calmly. "Are you well?"

"Well enough,” I managed, my voice cracking. "What were my results?"

Aiden paused a second before smiling softly. "Dauntless." My eyes widened and my body turned cold. Dauntless. I had been running and changing myself completely for two years. I had tried everything, reached to every distance and gone to every length. My father had wasted no method or attempt in instilling one fact into my mind. Abnegation. After two years of complete Hell, I was still... me. Dauntless. "At first I thought it might be inconclusive, the test results." His words brought me back to reality. "But no. Your honesty and kindness is bold and brave. You put yourself out there, refusing to stop giving yourself or hiding anything about you simply because that is what is expected. You’re bold and confident. Honest, selfless, clever, and kind. But brave. A want to break free and have no limits or restrictions. That is what guides each of your other characteristics. You’re quite a unique take on Dauntless, but I think they’ll appreciate it." His smile widened.

There was a second when we simply sat in silence before my stomach lurched. "I think I’m going to be sick."  
Aiden placed his hand on my back as I leaned forward. "Sometimes the serum makes you sick. Perhaps just go home early. I wouldn’t want you ill and out and about." I nodded silently, standing on my feet and moving to a side door, out of the room and then out of the building as I made my way... home. Home? I thought of my results. Dauntless. The Dauntless compound was my real home. That was really where I belonged. No, I was simply going to a house.

I couldn’t deny the truth anymore- not while it was laid before me, plain as day and clear as crystal.

The question was: what would I do now?

**Author's Note:**

> I really love Caleb and Peter so I decided to write out my frustrations. Enjoy?


End file.
